Emotion regulation: definition and example
Emotion regulation is how people influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express them. It is not the same as staying calm: it includes choosing situations, shifting attention, rethinking meaning, and adjusting what you show.
Editorially checked
Explore your emotions and relationships with the free EQTiger assessment.
By EQTiger Editorial. Review status: needs-expert-review. Qualified review is pending; the date records an editorial check.
The process model
James Gross defined emotion regulation this way and described five points where it can happen: choosing the situation, changing the situation, directing attention, changing how you think about it, and adjusting your response (Gross, 1998). The earlier points act before a feeling builds; the later ones act once it is underway.
The five points in one evening
You dread a holiday dinner with a relative who criticizes your job. Situation selection: you arrive for dessert instead of the full meal. Situation modification: you sit next to your cousin. Attentional deployment: when the topic comes up, you focus on refilling drinks. Cognitive change: you remind yourself, "This is about his worries, not a ruling on my life." Response modulation: you take one slow breath before answering. None of these is the single right move; together they give you options.
Early versus late strategies
The earlier strategies often take less effort in the moment, because you act before the feeling peaks: leaving a party before you are exhausted is easier than staying polite while exhausted. Later strategies are still useful when you could not see the moment coming. Most people lean on one or two favorites; widening the menu gives you more room.
What it is not
Regulating an emotion does not mean eliminating it or never showing it. Sometimes the regulated response is to say clearly, "That comment hurt." Regulation also happens between people, which researchers call co-regulation. For two specific strategies, compare cognitive reappraisal and expressive suppression.
Back to the glossary or emotions A to Z, or start the free assessment for adult self-reflection. Not therapy or a mental-health screening. EQTiger does not diagnose.
Research notes
- James J. Gross (1998). The Emerging Field of Emotion Regulation: An Integrative Review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271-299. Defines emotion regulation as how people influence which emotions they have, when, and how they experience and express them, and describes five points where regulation can happen, from choosing a situation to changing a response. doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271
Related
- No. 01EQ glossaryThe words behind emotional intelligence, defined.
- No. 02Cognitive reappraisalCognitive reappraisal is changing how you interpret a situation so that its emotional impact changes, for example reading a terse email as rushed rather than hostile.
- No. 03Expressive suppressionExpressive suppression is holding back the outward signs of an emotion, such as keeping a straight face while furious.
- No. 04Co-regulationCo-regulation is the back-and-forth process in which two people's emotional states influence each other in a way that helps both stay steadier.
- No. 05Emotional Regulation in Everyday LifeEmotional regulation is how you shape which emotions you have, how strong they get and how you express them, and it can happen before, during or after a feeling arrives. In experiments, changing how you interpret a situation and taking another perspective work best, short distraction helps, and dwelling on the feeling or venting tends to backfire. This hub has eight practical guides, from in-the-moment responses to recovering afterward.
- No. 06Emotional Intelligence Test: Free EQ AssessmentExplore your emotional choices with a free 36-item assessment for adults. Get a profile summary and strongest area, then choose whether to unlock the full report.
Your next 9 minutes
Understand your emotions.
36 questions about everyday moments. A fresh starting point for reflection.
Free to take. Full report $6.95. One-time payment. No subscription.