Aversion: what it means and how to respond

What aversion is

Aversion is the "no thanks" feeling, often before you have thought about why. The smell of a certain food, the idea of networking events, opening a budget spreadsheet, or a coworker's voice can all bring it on. It is a broad pull away from something, and it can be mild or intense. Aversions are also very personal: one person cannot stand cilantro or crowded bars, while another loves both, and neither is wrong.

How it can feel in the body

People notice a tightening, a turning-away posture, procrastination, or a mind that suddenly finds other things urgent. A strong aversion can feel close to disgust, with a wrinkled nose or a queasy stomach. A milder one shows up as stalling: the email you have opened and closed six times.

Avoidance as a regulation choice

Emotion regulation research describes choosing or changing the situation as one of the earliest points where people influence their emotions (Gross, 1998). Avoiding a place, task, or person is one way of doing that, and sometimes it is wise: there is no need to sit through a horror film you hate. The cost comes when avoidance spreads to things you care about, like a medical appointment, an overdue conversation, or a class that would move your career forward.

How it differs from nearby feelings

Disgust is a specific, often physical rejection linked to contamination. Fear avoids danger; aversion avoids discomfort or dislike. Boredom wants engagement but cannot find it; aversion wants distance. Apathy is an absence of interest rather than active dislike.

What it may be telling you

Aversion can carry real information: a task that conflicts with your values, a person who drains you, a sensory sensitivity, or a mismatch between you and a role. It can also be a habit formed after one bad experience that no longer applies. Asking "When did this start?" helps sort the two.

A real-life example

Ruth has avoided opening her retirement account statements for two years. Each envelope goes in a drawer. She finally sets a 30-minute timer, makes tea, and opens one with her partner on a Sunday. It is less bad than she feared, and she books a call with the plan's free advice line. The aversion did not vanish, and it no longer gets to make the decision.

Three steps when you feel aversion

1. Name what you are avoiding and what it would cost you to keep avoiding it for another year.
2. If the cost is low, give yourself permission to skip it. Not every dislike needs to be overcome.
3. If the cost is high, shrink the first step: set a timer, bring company, or do the smallest piece first.

Words you could use

• “I really don't want to do this, so I'm going to do 15 minutes and stop.”
• “Networking events drain me. Can we grab coffee one-on-one instead?”
• “I've been avoiding this conversation. Can we have it this week?”

A reflection prompt

What am I avoiding right now that will matter more a year from now than it does today?

The EQTiger dimension it relates to

Aversion relates to Emotional Self-Awareness: knowing what you avoid and why, so you can decide which avoidance protects you and which costs you. Read what the self-awareness score describes.