Mixed emotions: definition and example
Mixed emotions are the experience of two seemingly opposite feelings at once, such as happiness and sadness at a graduation or relief and grief after a long illness ends. Most moments feel mostly one way, but in bittersweet situations such as graduations or goodbyes, many people report feeling both at once.
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What the research found
Larsen, McGraw, and Cacioppo asked whether people can feel happy and sad at the same time. Most people surveyed in typical situations felt either happy or sad, but many people surveyed right after a bittersweet film, while moving out of their college dorms, or at graduation felt both at once (Larsen, McGraw, and Cacioppo, 2001). The results suggest positive and negative feelings can run on separate tracks.
Everyday examples
Dropping your youngest child at college: pride, sadness, and a little relief at the quieter house. Leaving a job you outgrew: excitement about the new role and nostalgia for the old team. Getting the promotion your close friend also wanted: joy and guilt in the same minute.
Helping someone with mixed feelings
If a friend says, "I got the job, but I am weirdly sad," resist resolving it for them. Try, "That makes sense. You are leaving a place you loved. Tell me about both parts." Letting both feelings stand often helps more than insisting on the happy one.
Why naming both helps
People often feel they must pick one, or that the second feeling cancels the first. Saying both can be more honest and easier for others to respond to: "I am really happy for you, and I am also sad you are moving." Neither half is fake.
Mixed feelings are a good place to practice emotional granularity and affect labeling. They often appear in grief, where moments of laughter do not mean the loss mattered less.
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Research notes
- Jeff T. Larsen, A. Peter McGraw, John T. Cacioppo (2001). Can people feel happy and sad at the same time?. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(4), 684-696. Most people surveyed in typical situations felt either happy or sad, but many people surveyed right after a bittersweet film, moving out of their dorms, or graduating felt both at once. doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.81.4.684
Related
- No. 01EQ glossaryThe words behind emotional intelligence, defined.
- No. 02Emotional granularityEmotional granularity, also called emotion differentiation, is how precisely you tell one feeling from another, for example frustration versus disappointment instead of a catch-all like "stressed" for everything.
- No. 03Affect labelingAffect labeling is putting an emotional experience into words, such as moving from "I feel bad" to "I feel embarrassed and a little angry" in your own head or out loud.
- No. 04Core affectCore affect is the most basic layer of feeling: whether you feel pleasant or unpleasant and how energized or drained you are at a given moment.
- No. 05NostalgiaA fond memory of a time that has passed
- No. 06GriefThe loss of someone or something deeply important
- No. 07Emotional Intelligence Test: Free EQ AssessmentExplore your emotional choices with a free 36-item assessment for adults. Get a profile summary and strongest area, then choose whether to unlock the full report.
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