Admiration: what it means and how to respond

Seeing excellence up close

Admiration is what you feel watching a chef plate forty dishes during the dinner rush without a wasted move, hearing a colleague handle a hostile question with total calm, or reading a novel so good you reread a page just for the sentences. Someone is doing something exceptionally well, and you appreciate it.

How admiration feels

People often describe a lift: sitting up straighter, a smile, energy, sometimes goosebumps when the skill is extraordinary. There is often a pull to watch closely, ask questions, or try the thing yourself afterward.

Admiration can also be quiet and private. You might admire a neighbor who cares for her disabled son with endless patience and never tell her. Or you might admire someone you will never meet, like an athlete or a writer, and find yourself returning to their work whenever you need a lift.

What admiration motivates

Algoe and Haidt studied several other-praising emotions using recall, video, diary, and letter-writing methods. They found that admiration motivated self-improvement, while elevation (being moved by someone's goodness) motivated helping and affiliation, and gratitude motivated better relationships with the person who helped (Algoe and Haidt, 2009). So admiration is not just appreciation. It is often a signal about the skills you want to build.

If you notice you keep admiring the same quality in different people, such as clear writing, calm leadership, or patience with kids, that pattern is worth paying attention to.

Admiration can turn sour if you only compare. When the gap between you and the person you admire feels permanent, the feeling can slide toward discouragement or envy. Treating their skill as something learned, with steps you can copy, keeps admiration useful.

Admiration, envy, and pride

Envy wants what the other person has and can sting. Admiration is glad they have it. The same achievement can trigger either, depending on whether it makes you feel smaller. Pride is admiration turned toward your own accomplishments. Awe is larger and can come from nature or ideas, not just people.

Example: from admiring to asking

Lucas watches his teammate Rina defuse a furious client call in five minutes. Afterward he says, “That was impressive. How did you get him from yelling to agreeing on next steps?” Rina explains she always restates the client's complaint before saying anything else. Lucas tries it on his next tough call. It works about half as well as hers did, which he decides is a good start.

Three steps to use admiration well

1. Say it. Tell the person specifically what impressed you; people rarely hear detailed praise.
2. Ask how they do it. Most people are glad to explain a skill they are proud of.
3. Pick one piece to practice yourself, and expect your first attempts to be rougher than theirs.

Words you could use

• “That was impressive. How did you get him from yelling to next steps?”
• “I reread your summary twice. It was so clear.”
• “Would you be up for showing me how you set that up?”

A reflection prompt

Whose skill do I admire most right now, and what part of it could I start practicing this month?

The EQTiger dimension it relates to

Admiration relates to Social Awareness: noticing what others do well and letting it inform your own growth instead of your sense of rank. Read what the social awareness score describes.